the scales are mine, i weigh and measure,
this heart i wont let hold me down,
its all a line of pain and pleasure,
for now i wear this thorny crown.
ignore the pain!
embrace the nothingness!
ignore the pain!
ignore the pain!
to point the finger at the others,
you find their faults soon to discover,
its all a thought of what you need,
and the fault lies neatly in the seeds,
YOU PLANTED!!
ignore the pain!
embrace the others!
ignore the pain!
you may discover!
nothing!
nothing!
nothing!
this bloody skull, capped with a crown of thorns
its not so bold, to most its a look of scorn!
accepting of this life in pain,
its all in the minds of those deemed sane,
but with this thorny crown upon my head,
see i am already dead!!!
FOR THE!!!
scales are mine, i weigh and measure,
this heart i wont let hold me down,
its all a line of pain and pleasure,
for now i wear this thorny crown!!!
ignore the pain!
ignore the pain!
embrace the nothingness!
embrace the nothingness!
ignore the pain!
ignore the pain!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
sulfer-slipknot insights
this song stands at the top of how i feel on this plane of existance. perhaps that makes me completely insane to find solace in such hate filled words. only time and hard work will tell...
i will no longer run. i will stand and spit in the face of anyone who tells me i cannot. i will prove myself to myself, noone else. for far to long have i been searching for approval of others. now its me and only me. my next post will be a song i have been working on for a few days.
My Guilt and My Shame always sell me short - always feel the same
And My Face and My Soul always wear me thin - always under control
But the longest hours you'll have in your life
Are the ones you sit through to know if you're right
So I'll wait, but I pray that I'm wrong
Because I think I know what's going on
So Let Me Get This Straight... the only will is my own
I do whatever I want and stay alone
All my decisions make it untouchable and tainted
I'm gonna suffer for the rest of my life
But I will always find a way to survive
I'm not a failure, but I know what it's like
I can take it or leave it... or die
STAY - You don't always know where you stand
'Til you know that you won't run away
There's something inside me that feels
Like Breathing in Sulfur...
My Life is undone - and I'm a sinner to most but a sage to some
And my Gods are Untrue - I'm probably wrong, but I'm better than you
And the longest hours I've had in my life
Were the ones I went through to know I was right
So I'm safe, but I'm a little outside
I'm gonna laugh when I'm buried alive
STAY - You don't always know where you stand
'Til you know that you won't run away
There's something inside me that feels
Like Breathing in Sulfur...
LIKE BREATHING IN SULFUR
STAY - You don't always know where you stand
'Til you know that you won't run away
There's something inside me that feels
Like Breathing in Sulfur...
LIKE BREATHING IN SULFUR
i will no longer run. i will stand and spit in the face of anyone who tells me i cannot. i will prove myself to myself, noone else. for far to long have i been searching for approval of others. now its me and only me. my next post will be a song i have been working on for a few days.
My Guilt and My Shame always sell me short - always feel the same
And My Face and My Soul always wear me thin - always under control
But the longest hours you'll have in your life
Are the ones you sit through to know if you're right
So I'll wait, but I pray that I'm wrong
Because I think I know what's going on
So Let Me Get This Straight... the only will is my own
I do whatever I want and stay alone
All my decisions make it untouchable and tainted
I'm gonna suffer for the rest of my life
But I will always find a way to survive
I'm not a failure, but I know what it's like
I can take it or leave it... or die
STAY - You don't always know where you stand
'Til you know that you won't run away
There's something inside me that feels
Like Breathing in Sulfur...
My Life is undone - and I'm a sinner to most but a sage to some
And my Gods are Untrue - I'm probably wrong, but I'm better than you
And the longest hours I've had in my life
Were the ones I went through to know I was right
So I'm safe, but I'm a little outside
I'm gonna laugh when I'm buried alive
STAY - You don't always know where you stand
'Til you know that you won't run away
There's something inside me that feels
Like Breathing in Sulfur...
LIKE BREATHING IN SULFUR
STAY - You don't always know where you stand
'Til you know that you won't run away
There's something inside me that feels
Like Breathing in Sulfur...
LIKE BREATHING IN SULFUR
Saturday, December 20, 2008
dear vindictive assholes...
didnt you see?
im at the fucking bottom,
clawing desperately,
standing in the dead and rotten.
manipulation only gets you so far,
the person who i am declares victory,
your eyes shall avert when you enter the stars,
while i stare into the light and stand in its glory!
did you hear?
my attempts at silence to preserve,
it was oh so clear,
and now you get what you deserve.
so sit and stare at what you created
build those hollow walls no more!
no longer can it be debated
im severed and clever, no more!
how far will you get using people to your own means?
how long till you just stop and fucking think!
your father predicates your world now
see how you reap what you sow?
can you feel?
the life that flows through those veins
or are you dead
to everything you had to gain?
manipulation only gets you so far,
the person who i am declares victory,
your eyes shall avert when you enter the stars,
while i stare into the light and stand in its glory!
now im rising and you are falling
now im laughing and you are crying
but daddy, but daddy, he was mean to me.
but daddy, but daddy, he was the one
im at the fucking bottom,
clawing desperately,
standing in the dead and rotten.
manipulation only gets you so far,
the person who i am declares victory,
your eyes shall avert when you enter the stars,
while i stare into the light and stand in its glory!
did you hear?
my attempts at silence to preserve,
it was oh so clear,
and now you get what you deserve.
so sit and stare at what you created
build those hollow walls no more!
no longer can it be debated
im severed and clever, no more!
how far will you get using people to your own means?
how long till you just stop and fucking think!
your father predicates your world now
see how you reap what you sow?
can you feel?
the life that flows through those veins
or are you dead
to everything you had to gain?
manipulation only gets you so far,
the person who i am declares victory,
your eyes shall avert when you enter the stars,
while i stare into the light and stand in its glory!
now im rising and you are falling
now im laughing and you are crying
but daddy, but daddy, he was mean to me.
but daddy, but daddy, he was the one
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
as i sit here alone at the place i work. so many people around. so few that know my name. i think about the happenings of the past year of my life. so good, so bad, and now so blessed. despite all the bad, i see the good, i ask for nothing more. the silver lining in the dark cloud.
i have made the change. everything has happened so quickly. in and out of peoples homes, good roommates, and bad ones. i see know that it was my own immaturity that was holding be back now that i have accepted this as a person it all i seem to be coming together. we will see very soon exactly how this all emerges into the world. my mind is willing to do what must be done to further myself in maturity and this world.
i will no longer struggle. i feel i have found a place where i belong. a place that perhaps, just maybe, i will belong until the time is right to fly....
i have made the change. everything has happened so quickly. in and out of peoples homes, good roommates, and bad ones. i see know that it was my own immaturity that was holding be back now that i have accepted this as a person it all i seem to be coming together. we will see very soon exactly how this all emerges into the world. my mind is willing to do what must be done to further myself in maturity and this world.
i will no longer struggle. i feel i have found a place where i belong. a place that perhaps, just maybe, i will belong until the time is right to fly....
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
blah
im blah today. the more time away from home the more i realize about myself and the actions i have taken in the past. the mistakes become like sore thumbs in the aftermath of a hammer. they throb with a dull ache. yet i still feel hope for tomorrow. that makes me live on. this hope is what i cling to, even when i see myself recreating the same relationships in a different state with a different type of people.
most never try to understand me. today at work when i made a very smartass comment about worshipping satan. one of the gentlemen i work with said, "you might as well be gay." i just chuckled and walked away. the sarcastic version of hatred that i have repudated for the last few years is merely the beginning.
i have been accepted to a little community college with full student loans. i will be graduating next year with my associates degree. then on to my bachelors. i finally feel ready to begin and not be distracted by anything. no more relationships. no more roommates. there is only work and school. time to be completely alone for 5 years while i achieve what i must so i do not waste my mind doing something that matters absolutely nothing to anyone but me.
most never try to understand me. today at work when i made a very smartass comment about worshipping satan. one of the gentlemen i work with said, "you might as well be gay." i just chuckled and walked away. the sarcastic version of hatred that i have repudated for the last few years is merely the beginning.
i have been accepted to a little community college with full student loans. i will be graduating next year with my associates degree. then on to my bachelors. i finally feel ready to begin and not be distracted by anything. no more relationships. no more roommates. there is only work and school. time to be completely alone for 5 years while i achieve what i must so i do not waste my mind doing something that matters absolutely nothing to anyone but me.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
buddhist dharma in captivity
On Walking Your Path
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Harold Whitman
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music he hears,however measured or far away.
-Henry David Thoreau
You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life?
-Rumi
On Enlightenment
Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?
-Rumi
Suffering also has its worth.
Through sorrow, pride is driven out
And pity felt for those who wander in samsara;
Evil is avoided, goodness seems delightful.
-Shantideva
On Gurus
I am present in front of anyone who has faith in me , just as the moon casts its reflection,effortlessly, in any vessel filled with water
-Guru Padmasambhava
On Love
The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.
-Rumi
“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.”
-Rumi
On God
God is the mirror of silence in which all creation is reflected.
-Paramahansa Yogananda
On Living
Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence.
-Rumi
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.
-Rumi
On Death
I died a mineral, and became a plant. I died a plant and rose an animal. I died an animal and I was man. Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
-Rumi
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Harold Whitman
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music he hears,however measured or far away.
-Henry David Thoreau
You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life?
-Rumi
On Enlightenment
Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?
-Rumi
Suffering also has its worth.
Through sorrow, pride is driven out
And pity felt for those who wander in samsara;
Evil is avoided, goodness seems delightful.
-Shantideva
On Gurus
I am present in front of anyone who has faith in me , just as the moon casts its reflection,effortlessly, in any vessel filled with water
-Guru Padmasambhava
On Love
The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.
-Rumi
“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.”
-Rumi
On God
God is the mirror of silence in which all creation is reflected.
-Paramahansa Yogananda
On Living
Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence.
-Rumi
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.
-Rumi
On Death
I died a mineral, and became a plant. I died a plant and rose an animal. I died an animal and I was man. Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
-Rumi
Saturday, November 8, 2008
What if God was subject to man’s consciousness
Being everything and nothing.
The greatest of illusions ever seen
One that is the conforms to the structures of man
Merely because he is man.
And he is no different than us
We all live in a constant Battle with ourselves
I can tell you that its no different
Being contained within him
Being contained with out him
Being a part of his soul
We are the one place that he has lost control
Many times has he tried
Many a man has he sent
And now we have reached the place
Where it’s, get in or get out, get up and get down
the wonder is how we haven’t fallen down,
fallen from the middle of the earth to never make a sound
He has tried every time
The last was not so long ago
There is nothing left to hide
Just open up your soul
It’s the only way, mankind can survive
To truly love is to provide,
To truly know is divine
We have to swallow the great divide
You see when the judgment is passed
This whole thing of the past
Will never cease to exist x2
unless we learn to live in bliss
cut away the darkness,
to embrace the light,
follow the laws of the books of the son’s of men
They are all the same in the end
Really Doesn’t matter who what where or when
Just believe in your part in his existence
And take the lead without resistance
But we Cant make the world
Believe unless we show them
that there is more than all this materialism
that we have created the great schizm
in our minds we are only one
is his mind we are the same one
its all the same
we are him he is us
we must conform to the rest or die in the dust
from whence we came
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