Tuesday, December 9, 2008


im blah today. the more time away from home the more i realize about myself and the actions i have taken in the past. the mistakes become like sore thumbs in the aftermath of a hammer. they throb with a dull ache. yet i still feel hope for tomorrow. that makes me live on. this hope is what i cling to, even when i see myself recreating the same relationships in a different state with a different type of people.

most never try to understand me. today at work when i made a very smartass comment about worshipping satan. one of the gentlemen i work with said, "you might as well be gay." i just chuckled and walked away. the sarcastic version of hatred that i have repudated for the last few years is merely the beginning.

i have been accepted to a little community college with full student loans. i will be graduating next year with my associates degree. then on to my bachelors. i finally feel ready to begin and not be distracted by anything. no more relationships. no more roommates. there is only work and school. time to be completely alone for 5 years while i achieve what i must so i do not waste my mind doing something that matters absolutely nothing to anyone but me.