dear vindictive assholes...

didnt you see?
im at the fucking bottom,
clawing desperately,
standing in the dead and rotten.

manipulation only gets you so far,
the person who i am declares victory,
your eyes shall avert when you enter the stars,
while i stare into the light and stand in its glory!

did you hear?
my attempts at silence to preserve,
it was oh so clear,
and now you get what you deserve.

so sit and stare at what you created
build those hollow walls no more!
no longer can it be debated
im severed and clever, no more!

how far will you get using people to your own means?
how long till you just stop and fucking think!
your father predicates your world now
see how you reap what you sow?

can you feel?
the life that flows through those veins
or are you dead
to everything you had to gain?

manipulation only gets you so far,
the person who i am declares victory,
your eyes shall avert when you enter the stars,
while i stare into the light and stand in its glory!

now im rising and you are falling
now im laughing and you are crying
but daddy, but daddy, he was mean to me.
but daddy, but daddy, he was the one

as i sit here alone at the place i work. so many people around. so few that know my name. i think about the happenings of the past year of my life. so good, so bad, and now so blessed. despite all the bad, i see the good, i ask for nothing more. the silver lining in the dark cloud.

i have made the change. everything has happened so quickly. in and out of peoples homes, good roommates, and bad ones. i see know that it was my own immaturity that was holding be back now that i have accepted this as a person it all i seem to be coming together. we will see very soon exactly how this all emerges into the world. my mind is willing to do what must be done to further myself in maturity and this world.

i will no longer struggle. i feel i have found a place where i belong. a place that perhaps, just maybe, i will belong until the time is right to fly....

blah

im blah today. the more time away from home the more i realize about myself and the actions i have taken in the past. the mistakes become like sore thumbs in the aftermath of a hammer. they throb with a dull ache. yet i still feel hope for tomorrow. that makes me live on. this hope is what i cling to, even when i see myself recreating the same relationships in a different state with a different type of people.

most never try to understand me. today at work when i made a very smartass comment about worshipping satan. one of the gentlemen i work with said, "you might as well be gay." i just chuckled and walked away. the sarcastic version of hatred that i have repudated for the last few years is merely the beginning.

i have been accepted to a little community college with full student loans. i will be graduating next year with my associates degree. then on to my bachelors. i finally feel ready to begin and not be distracted by anything. no more relationships. no more roommates. there is only work and school. time to be completely alone for 5 years while i achieve what i must so i do not waste my mind doing something that matters absolutely nothing to anyone but me.

buddhist dharma in captivity

On Walking Your Path

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Harold Whitman

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music he hears,however measured or far away.
-Henry David Thoreau

You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life?
-Rumi
On Enlightenment

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?
-Rumi

Suffering also has its worth.
Through sorrow, pride is driven out
And pity felt for those who wander in samsara;
Evil is avoided, goodness seems delightful.
-Shantideva
On Gurus

I am present in front of anyone who has faith in me , just as the moon casts its reflection,effortlessly, in any vessel filled with water
-Guru Padmasambhava
On Love

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.
-Rumi

“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be.”
-Rumi
On God

God is the mirror of silence in which all creation is reflected.
-Paramahansa Yogananda
On Living

Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence.
-Rumi

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.
-Rumi
On Death

I died a mineral, and became a plant. I died a plant and rose an animal. I died an animal and I was man. Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
-Rumi

What if God was subject to man’s consciousness

Being everything and nothing.

The greatest of illusions ever seen

One that is the conforms to the structures of man

Merely because he is man.

And he is no different than us

We all live in a constant Battle with ourselves

I can tell you that its no different

Being contained within him

Being contained with out him

Being a part of his soul

We are the one place that he has lost control

Many times has he tried

Many a man has he sent

And now we have reached the place

Where it’s, get in or get out, get up and get down

the wonder is how we haven’t fallen down,

fallen from the middle of the earth to never make a sound

He has tried every time

The last was not so long ago

There is nothing left to hide

Just open up your soul

It’s the only way, mankind can survive

To truly love is to provide,

To truly know is divine

We have to swallow the great divide

You see when the judgment is passed

This whole thing of the past

Will never cease to exist x2

unless we learn to live in bliss

cut away the darkness,

to embrace the light,

follow the laws of the books of the son’s of men

They are all the same in the end

Really Doesn’t matter who what where or when

Just believe in your part in his existence

And take the lead without resistance

But we Cant make the world

Believe unless we show them

that there is more than all this materialism

that we have created the great schizm

in our minds we are only one

is his mind we are the same one

its all the same

we are him he is us

we must conform to the rest or die in the dust

from whence we came

the harder i try an escape the memories of the good things
the longer they seem to hold onto my mind
the love that we had was so good and now pain is all it brings
the shorter the tidal wave of the sublime
the faster you go the harder you sing
the more of this life you treat as a fling
to transcend the boundaries of being alive
you don't hold a candle to how i survive
yet you pervade my thoughts
yet you made me feel alive
was it all for naught
or did i take the wheel and drive
off the cliff of regret
and into a hope for the best
once again i chuck and pray
will it ever go away
find the thing that kills the pain
hold on till my hands bleed in disdain
hope is all i have left in this life
hope that tomorrow will be better than today
hope for anything to make these dreams go away

anthem of my life. The Tried, The Tested, The true

this is one of my new ones. hope you like it. still needs a bit of tweaking. a little angry as always.


we are the tried, the tested, the true.
but its not you, but its not you.
we will not die, we grow in size, we grow inside
experience's change us, burn and rearrange us.

so let this trial, burn me from the inside
so let this test, find only the best
so let this truth, rearrange the few
that will not die, that will not die

we are, we are, we are, we are,
nothing like you,
nothing like you,
we begin anew,
every time we grow
not stagnate and plateau

we are the tried, the tested, the true
but its not you, but its not you.
we will not die, we grow in size, we grow inside!
experiences change us, burn and rearrange us.

see many will enter but few will find it.
many will love me but few will not be blinded.
echo(by the brilliance that we are!)
one of the many, or one of the few.
echo (But its not you!)
to see through the mask, this life is a ruse.
echo (its this brilliance that we are)

we are the tried, the tested, the true
but its not you, but its not you!
we will not die, we grow in size, we grow inside!
experiences change us, burn and rearrange us.

we are! we are! we are! we are!
nothing like you,
nothing like you,
we begin anew,
for every lesson we grow!
not stagnate and plateau!

we are the tried, the tested, the true
but its not you, but its not you.
we will not die, we grow in size, we grow inside!
experiences change us, burn and rearrange us.